Adrift in Pirate Waters

Have you ever wondered if you shouldn't have spent the money, even if it was a bargain?

Costa Cruises Concordia off the coast of Italy

January 2012

Photo by Rvongher

I'm going on a cruise. Not just any cruise, but a Costa Cruises cruise. The prices were really good, nearly half off, so I talked one of the ladies, with whom I sailed in Belize, into going with me. We've plunked down the money, bought the "insurance," scoured the various travel sites, picked up our airline tickets, and decided on before and after hotels.

Winnie, also on last year's sail, narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "You're going with Costa Cruises? Isn't that the same cruise lines as--"

"The Costa Concordia?" I supplied.

"Yes," she nodded.

"Oh, yes, it is," I said, picking a piece of lint off my shoulder. I yawned, stretched, and sent her a smug smile. "We got a great deal."

Winnie snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet."

"No, the prices are great and, really, it will never be safer. That cruise lines is not going to take any chances. None. For the next few months, those ships are going to perform flawlessly. They'll be the safest cruise ships out there."

Photo of the Costa Allegra by Jean-Phillipe Boulet

So today, the headline accosting my senses was:

Onboard fire cripples Costa

cruise ship

Costa Allegra, with 636 passengers on board, stranded in Somali pirate waters

It wasn't long before Winnie dropped into the chair on the opposite side of my desk. "So, I understand there was a little problem on a Costa Cruise ship today."

I looked up and tapped the tip of my pen repeatedly on the clear spot on the desk. "It was just a little fire. They put it out," I defended.

She leaned back in the chair and folded her arms across her chest. "Yes. And now they are--"

"Adrift, helplessly afloat in pirate infested waters." I said. "So what is your point?"

Winnie straightened a stack of papers on the corner of the desk before returning her gaze to me. "Well, how many boats does Costa Cruises have? Will there be any left by the time you go on your cruise?"

I angled my chin up. "We bought the insurance. If we get sick, or break a leg, or they run out of ships, we'll get our money back."

Sandra came over at that point. "You talking about the cruise?" she said, smiling.

"If there are any boats left, after today's disaster," Winnie said.

Sandra had not heard of the newest disaster. I told her, trying to make it sound less intimidating. "It was just a little fire on the Costa Allegra, and now it is adrift, but there is a large fishing boat in the area and tugs are on the way. Should be there tomorrow."

"In the meantime, the waters are infested with Somali pirates, and they are helplessly adrift," Winnie expounded.

"Yeah, but they have armed guards aboard," I countered.

Sandra's mouth dropped open. "They have armed guards on a cruise ship?"

I shrugged. "Just a few."

Sandra and I have talked about it. If they haven't gone through all their ships by the time we leave for the cruise, we are going to wear our life jackets to dinner, and sleep in our bathing suits. "I'm kind of hoping they'll move us up to a better cabin. Right now we're in steerage."

"Oh," said Winnie, "you'll probably have your choice of rooms."

This morning's article went on to say:

The fire knocked out power to the ship's engines as well as to its lights and air conditioning.

Since the Allegra may be stranded without power to operate the vast kitchens, Sandra and I have decided to take some snack crackers, a can of cheese whiz, and a couple of boxes of breakfast energy bars. We'll lock them in the safe. If I can figure out how to smuggle some coconut rum aboard, we'll do that too. We'll call it our "personal insurance plan."

After all:

Today's fire-caused loss of propulsion on the Costa Allegra comes 15 months after a cruise ship operated by sister line Carnival was left adrift for days following an engine room fire. The 3,006-passenger Carnival Splendor was off the coast of Mexico at the time of the incident and eventually had to be towed back to California.

The people on the Splendor had to eat Pop Tarts that were dropped onto the ship while it was being towed to port.

Sandra plans to take some seasickness pills. Being adrift is a lot rougher than being underway. I'm taking my computer with me. As long as there is power and wifi, I'll keep you informed.

I wonder if the people aboard the Allegra got a good deal on their passage?

High Tea and Motives for Murder

Today I had high tea with a group of ladies living at an Independent & Assisted Living Seniors complex. It was a great place to conduct research for "Say Cheese Before You Die." After introducing myself, and explaining what the book is about, I asked the ladies to tell me what their husbands do/did that made them want to kill them.

At first the ladies' flowery china cups stopped halfway to their mouths, and their eyes grew large. One of them choked on a blueberry muffin, while another slapped her on the back, dislodging her hearing aid. "Oh, my husband was wonderful," one said. "He was always there for me when I needed him."

The other ladies nodded. "Yes, my husband is such a sweet man. I'd never want to kill him," another said.

I sipped some decaffeinated, herbal tea and raised one brow. "So none of your husbands ever did anything to annoy you? They never did anything to make you want to give them a knuckle sandwich?" The china clinked as I set the cup on the saucer. My gaze circled the table. "They never left the toilet seat up?"

Their expressions changed from angelic to demonic. "Well, as a matter of fact, there was something my husband used to do that annoyed me," Agnes, a tiny woman with a string of pearls resting on her gray angora turtleneck, said. The rest of the women pushed their walkers out of the way and scooted closer to the table. "We lived in a very nice neighborhood, with a large garage, and a driveway big enough for both of our cars, but he would always park on the street whenever he wanted to go out again."

The ladies gasped, and one patted Agnes on the hand in commiseration.

"And my Franklin, is always forgetting people's names," Maria said, as she straightened her napkin over her soft plaid, Pendleton woolen skirt. "So I will say, 'Franklin, you remember Margaret and Herb, don't you?' so that he has their names. Instead of just saying, 'Yes,' he says, 'Of course I remember them,' like I'm stupid for having thought he didn't."

There was a chorus of low growls.

"That has often made me want to hold a pillow over his face," Maria said.

"And no one would blame you," Margaret agreed.

Now the ladies seemed eager to discuss annoying habits. "Oh, and my husband likes to feed the cat on the counter by the sink." Edith chimed in. "It just makes my skin crawl. You know where those paws have been."

Everyone shivered.

We spent the next hour discussing extenuating circumstances for murder, amid tea cookies and muffins. When the wall clock clicked onto 4PM, I excused myself, took all the china cups out to the kitchen, and washed them. When I finished, most of the ladies were still gathered around the tea table. "That was a most enjoyable tea," one said, and they all smiled and nodded.

I love research. As my co-worker said after spending a couple of hours discussing this same subject over lunch, "Time flies when you are planning murders."

What does your spouse/significant other do that annoys you?

***********

Editor's note: Melanie Sherman does not advocate murdering your spouse, even if he leaves the seat up. This was research for a fictional murder.

Say Cheese Before You Die

I've been thinking about writing a murder mystery, called "Say Cheese Before You Die." It is about a young woman, a photographer, who discovers--too late--the man she married is abusive and violent. She wants to leave him but he threatens to hunt her down and kill her if she does. He has money and the means to track her. She's trapped, tortured, terrified.

She decides to kill him. Slowly. Little by little. Every day she takes another step toward murder, toward freedom. She attends cooking classes and learns to make cheese cake, macaroni and cheese, cheese sauce, cheese balls, cheese enchiladas, cheese fondue. She tosses feta over salads, melts cheddar into quiche, and grates Parmesan onto vegetables. Occasionally, for a change, she feeds him Fettuccine Alfredo, with garlic cheese bread, and serves a cheese crepe for dessert. All the while she claims she is vegan, eating only beans, rice, fruits and vegetables.

He never suspects anything while he dominates and exerts his power over her, but then one day he clutches his chest, gasps for breath, falls to the soft cream carpet, his eyes wide and vacant, one hand outstretched, fingers splayed as if he is reaching for one final cheese doodle.

She leans over and tucks a small photo album under him, containing pictures of him eating a cheese dog at the ball park, nachos at the Cinco de Mayo festival, cheese and crackers at the Art and Wine celebration. She strolls into the kitchen, scrubs the cheese grater clean, deletes all the cheese recipes from her hard drive, takes her packed suitcase from the closet in the extra bedroom, and shuffles out the back door to his Lexus.

At a sunny resort in Belize, she meets a lactose-intolerant retired detective who becomes suspicious when he learns her husband has just died and she is showing no signs of grief.

Anyone think this is a good book idea?

Better your life with Amazon deals

My email inbox is littered with "deals". Google deals, Living Social deals, Best Buy deals. But the one that caught my eye today was this one from Amazon:

Half Off Facial - Portland Eastside / Vancouver

I should get this one. It would be so great to have the bottom half of my face removed. It might prevent me from putting my foot in my mouth in future.

Isn't it pretty? Can we eat it?

The cats are curious, and hungry and they have no respect for nature.

A couple of years ago I had a sick 100 ft Douglas fir. I hired a guy to hack it down before it fell on my house, but asked him to leave 20 feet standing for wildlife. The guy left 40 feet. I guess I shouldn't complain, after all it is housing an entire ecosystem for even the tiniest wildlife. When the cats led me to the back window yesterday to point out our newest neighbor, I thought they were sweet. A beautiful Pileated Woodpecker was making his mark on the dead tree, and the three of us watched for a couple of minutes. But then I heard the cats doing the little clicking sound cats make when they want to pounce on their prey and eat it.

Good thing the window was closed.

Fiery Sky in Morning

What good would life be if one could not pull over on a busy road during the morning rush hour, and take a picture of the sunrise while being buffeted by the squall of passing log trucks? This was the rise over Mt. Hood, taken from Vancouver a few days ago.

Thanks to the following authors

Thanks

It is important to acknowledge people who have made a difference in our lives. It is also important to acknowledge people who have made a difference to our blogs. I’d like to thank the following people.

1. Lilith Saintcrow

Lilith is the New York Times Best-Selling author of a number of urban fantasy and young adult books and is a fabulous, caring person. I don’t have to tell you she is a fabulous writer, because you don’t get on the NYT best-selling list if you can’t string two sentences together to make a reader laugh, cry, or fidget on the edge of their seats. When she talks, people listen. And when she tells people they should read a blog, they do. Immediately. She is the reason “Confessions of a Seven-Year-Old” and "It may seem as though I don't like Christmas" are on my ten most popular blogs list.

Check out her books here.

2. Bill Cameron

Bill is a clever murder mystery writer, who tortures his protagonist with great cunning, while incorporating fabulous bits of Portland into the book. He wrote a guest-blog on here, A Dream to Some, A Nightmare to Others, which remains on my top ten blog list. He is one of the sweetest men I know. On twitter he told of his ukulele lessons, and I asked him to post a video of it, which he did. It was endearingly pitiful. Reminded me of when I took piano lessons in second grade. Oh, no, he was much better than that, come to think of it. Throughout the video, I smiled.

Check out his books here.

3. Linda Collision

I found Linda Collision when I was researching The Pirates’ Reckoning. She writes nautical fiction with a female protagonist and does a ship-shape job of it. Although I’ve never met her, she has been very helpful and encouraging, even agreeing to write a guest-post, Tension and Conflict on the High Seas, which also remains on my top ten blog list. If you liked Master and Commander, or the Horatio Hornblower books, you’ll enjoy her books. Word of warning, however, is to refrain from reading about the surgeon's mate’s shipboard surgery while eating your lunch. It’s enough to make you queasy.

Check out her books here.

4. Carolyn J. Rose

I want to thank Carolyn J. Rose for the awesome guest posts she did for me, Coping with Rejection and Self-torture Techniques for Writers. Besides being a good friend, Carolyn has taught me how to not be a bad writer. Now all I have to do is put into practice all she has taught to become a good writer. Carolyn writes great novels, well worth the read, from love stories set in the 1960s to murder mysteries involving the entire bizarre population of a fictional coastal town in Oregon. Both of Carolyn's guest blogs are in my top ten blog posts, but you'll notice the self-torture one is #1. Why? Because people from all over the world enter "self-torture techniques" into their search engine. Who knew?

Check out her books here.