Saturday, August 21, 2010

Pretending to be Dear

They are at it again. Stalking me. Plaguing me. Planning their next rampage. They have "look-outs" posted along my route home, ready to radio my approach to their comrades. They are evil. Ever since they ate all the plants in my garden (before I came to hate gardening) they have had it in for me because I refused to continue to plant more for them to clip to the ground.

Well, that and the fact that I scared one of them into charging me...twice.

Driving home yesterday, I passed by a neighbor's five acre parcel at 50mph. What I saw had me slamming my foot down on the brake pedal of my new car. It doesn't stop as sharply as I would like. I overshot the sight and had to motor a quarter of a mile before I could safely turn around. Not sure if I had seen correctly, and not even sure which property I'd seen it, I poked back the way I'd come, searching behind white rail fences with innocent horses grazing, and stands of arbor vitae. Finally, past some young Douglas firs, I spotted what I'd glimpsed.

The house is up a long driveway about two tenths of a mile from the road, but halfway between the house and the road is an outbuilding which provides a lovely piece of shade in the late afternoon. The shade cannot be seen from their house. I doubt the property owners know they have squatters. It can barely be seen from the road, either because of trees and plants, but I continually search for such signs because of my precarious relationship with neighboring wildlife.

There they were, in all their heinous splendor, taking a little breather before continuing their assault on what is left of my garden. I actually had to pull into the people's driveway and use the pitiful telephoto lens on my cheap little camera, but I caught the pernicious little beasts in the act.

I'm going to see if the post office will put this picture up in the "Most Wanted" display.


  1. first I thought you were talking about Japanese Beatles.

  2. Sharon,

    I do wish you had gone into more detail because your pitch is great. I want to know WHY you thought it was Japanese Beetles.


    They look like they are planning something to me.

  3. You didn't get the invite? They are having a fall ruffage party. All the shrubs you can eat but remember BYOB!

  4. Jars,

    I KNEW it. Those churlish louts.

  5. Did you like my creative spelling for roughage??

  6. My relatives thought I was so mean when I sprayed water on a cute, little, innocent neighborhood cat to get the beats out of our backyard. It had attacked my brother-in-law, father-in-law, and me without witness to any of the events. I guess if you don't see the attack it didn't happen. My seven year old neice got attacked in front of EVERYONE and then I was labeled as being too soft on the creature.

  7. I'm a dork. Not beats but beast!

  8. So that is it. Others must witness the event? This is why no one is taking me seriously about the viciousness of the dear deer? I feel for you, Dr. Goose. I'm right there with you.

  9. Bambi hater! Bambi hater!

    Just joking. Your garden is precious to you. The poor brains in the skulls of those deer are the size of golf ball. To them you're just offering a free buffet.

    You have a delightful blog, Roland

  10. Roland,

    Thank you for your comment. I didn't start out life as a Bambi hater. That came later, after I discovered I didn't care for raccoon or bobcats. Nor bears. In fact, I'm not all that crazy about the Western Red Squirrel either. I hope we can still be friends, though. :)

  11. Hi,

    Lovely blog: and yes, can commiserate on the cuteys (to look at), but pests when they hop a garden fence and strip rows of peas overnight, not to mention trampling through greens. Had a friend who had a love hate relationship with deer.


  12. Francine,

    Thank you. It is so nice to be understood. I think I'd like to have coffee with you and your friend to exchange deer horror stories. Oh, yes, they are cute. Beautiful. Breathtaking. The little vampires, sucking the life from plants.

  13. So, I seem to recall in an earlier comment to one of your blogs, expressing my concern for your hatred of wildlife. I think it was when I questioned the naming of your reading group "Dead Bunnies" so something similar. And I do recall you replying that you don't hate the critters; you just wished they'd let your yard alone. Well, I've read and re-read this latest installment about the deer, and I have to say that it is very evident that you really hate them. Don't deny it; you really hate them, don't you?
    I say this with all love and affection for my friend, but with sincere concern about what levels you will sink to or rise to next.

  14. It is a love/hate relationship. Yes, look at how adorable they are, but if you look into their eyes you see the evil intent.


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